The Wanton Wife


‘I think I have baby throw up somewhere on my right shoulder, but I’m not sure.  Either way, I know I look like misery and smell even worse and he comes in the door and immediately is making efforts to separate me from my pants.  No chatting, flirting- just manhandling me into sex.’

‘I yell to him that I am in the shower and can’t hear what he’s yelling to me.  I just hear his voice but can’t decipher words. Apparently he’s asking if I have seen his favorite sweatshirt but I can only imagine that he would be yelling to me if something was wrong with one of the kids.  So, I get out.  Rushed, having shaven one leg (which  I know will come to haunt me later) and not fully rinsed off.  Of course, later the opportunity arises to have a little romance and I am feeling silly and embarrassed that only one of my legs is shaven.’

‘we were just watching the Big Bang theory and on the commercial break there was a L’Oreal commercial for an age spot removing cream and I was drawing breath to complain about how the model was only 18 or 20 and how could she have age spots yet when my husband blurted out “Duck spots! What the hell are duck spots?”‘

‘sick at home with three kids under the age of five.  he says he will come home early but walks in the door at his normal time.  i try not to be mad, after all, he was WORKING.  i ask for a back rub.  he rubs me for approximately 30 seconds before i feel my pants being pulled down.  he ‘needs leverage’ he says.  i have the flu and he is still making efforts.’